10 things to consider in a young man
10 things to consider in a man, for women looking to get married:
1. He spends most of his free time playing video games or binge-watching shows/ movies.
If these are his main hobbies, he will waste time and be discontent with normal relationships, especially with you. Laziness and leisure are not the same thing. Leisure is done after hard work, laziness has no prerequisite, it’s done whenever. Biblically this is a lack of godly stewardship.
1 Peter 4:10 2 Cor. 9:6-7 Col. 3:23 Proverbs 16:3 James 1:17 Matt. 6:21 Eph. 5:15-16
Psalm 90:12
2. He agrees with everything you say.
He's a pushover, a people-pleaser, and afraid of conflict. This is the epitome of a “White Knight” coming to your rescue, even when you are wrong and contrary to Scripture. You may be fine with it early on but he if he lacks leadership in the relationship, by giving in to your every whim, he will not make a good husband. What I’m not endorsing is a tyrannical man but a loving, godly man who stands in all things biblically sound.
Proverbs 29:25 Isaiah 51:7 Psalm 111:10 Matt. 10:28 1 John 4:18
3. He can't hold down a job or has never had a job.
This man has no ambition to produce more income in goals to provide for a family one day.
If he hasn't been able to hold a job for longer than 6 months, every boss/ manager is a problem for him. You shouldn't pledge yourself to him for the rest of your life since he can't do that in a job for an extended period of time. That goes for not staying in a church, under membership, for a committed time. Not serving in church faithfully also is to be considered.
Excuses are for boys; men make a way to work.
1 Cor. 3:13-15 1 Cor. 4:12 Col. 3:22-23 2 Thess. 3:10
4. He disrespects his mother or sisters.
How he treats his family, especially his mom, is how he will treat you eventually, no matter what front he puts on while courting.
If he’s gentle, loving, kind, respectful, selfless, even in the face of being mistreated, that’s the man for you. A man that loves his Mom, respects his Dad, and is tender/ protective of sisters is a real man’s man.
This is pure wisdom, the portion of Scripture I can point to is when Christ Himself placed His mother under John’s care as He died on the cross. What tender love He had for His Mom.
John 19:26-27
5. His parents are divorced, and he has no idea why.
Broken homes are common, this is not bashing on divorced families, in this fallen world it’s unavoidable (outside of Christ). But has he learned anything from it? Has he avoided asking questions? Does he know why it happened? Is he determined to not follow that pattern?
If he treats divorce as a trivial thing, something that just "happens". No, God hates divorce so he should also. If the definitive vocabulary of “you never”, “you always”, “I am done”, “we are done” is in that man and he’s not willing to repent and correct it. End it.
Malachi 2:16 1 Peter 3:7 Eph. 5:25-29
6. He has a temper.
Watch him during moments of competition and conflict. Sports, games, conversations. How does he react to a loss? How does he react when things don't go his way? Is he quick to blame shift, gas lamp, or play the victim? Or worse, have outbursts of wrath, anger, or even obnoxiousness? These are a sign of a lack of self-control. It’s a level of childishness that you will not enjoy, in a sense, raising a child to not throw a tantrum instead of having a godly man exercising self-control under the Holy Spirit.
Gal. 5:22 Titus 1:7 Col. 1:10 Heb. 13:15 James 3:5-6
7. He prides himself in changing ideologies, progressive in his understanding of Scripture.
This man cannot be trusted. He changes his doctrine like dirt socks. His thoughts on sound doctrine cannot be based on, so and so said this, even if it’s a respectable teacher. His doctrine is not his, the danger is that he can be convinced of false doctrine also. His foundation must be God’s Word but it's not.
1 Cor. 15:58 Titus 2:7 2 Tim. 2:15 Eph. 4:14-15 Psalm 119:2/ 11/ 105 (ALL OF IT)
8. His father is timid, weak, and doesn't lead.
His father is his main masculine example. The apple will not fall far from the tree. Not without the Lord intervening. That must be shown early on with him rejecting that standard taught to him and embracing a biblical manhood. He must pursue discipleship. He must find strength in God’s Word and the principles to be a godly man.
Does he have other male role model(s) in his life that are biblical? If he doesn’t and he will not search for them, avoid at all costs.
Deut. 31:6 Psalm 31:24 Eph. 4:1-3/13 1 Cor. 14:20 2 Peter 3:18 2 Tim. 1:7
9. He watches porn.
It’s sin, no matter the situation, and God hates it. God has also empowered Christian men to have victory over it. So, does he treat it as something to be overcome or just a normal part of life? An excuse in the mind is just as horrible as one verbalized. He must find help in the Word, prayer, and the men in the church. It should be a honest conversation. If he says, “I’ve never had that struggle”, also avoid, he’s a liar, or worse, he’s not attracted to women.
Exodus 20:14 Proverbs 6:32 Matt 5:28 Roms. 6:12 Eph. 2:3 2 Tim. 2:22 1 Cor. 10:13
10. He complains, whines, or gossips.
Everything is always someone else's fault. He rarely apologizes for anything and can't control his tongue. Communication is too often negative. If he gossips, you'll never be able to trust him to keep your lives private. If he speaks negatively of others, he’ll speak the same way about you eventually.
Luke 6:45 Proverbs 20:19 Proverbs 25:9-10 2 Cor. 12:20 Eph. 4:29 James 1:26
Important note:
Every Christian man is on a trajectory toward Christlikeness, some are working out their salvation better than others. Since this is true, we ought to find glimpses of godliness in a man without making compromises. Meaning, if he’s practicing the means of grace in these areas then these are not disqualifiers (with some exceptions) for consideration. Some are, so if you need help knowing, the Lord has supplied His Word and His Church with leadership and godly couples. These are not meant to be legalistic but more of a heart check toward further sanctification. We have an abundance of grace supplied to us in the Lord Jesus Christ and we must have our full dependence on Him to change us as we surrender daily to His work in us.
Husbands: if you are struggling through these, I implore you to pray (1 John 1:9) and ask the Lord to transform you (Romans 12:1-2). Then reach out to a brother and confess for the sake of accountability.
I pray this has been helpful. Blessings GCCSB.
For the Master, Pastor Ulee
1. He spends most of his free time playing video games or binge-watching shows/ movies.
If these are his main hobbies, he will waste time and be discontent with normal relationships, especially with you. Laziness and leisure are not the same thing. Leisure is done after hard work, laziness has no prerequisite, it’s done whenever. Biblically this is a lack of godly stewardship.
1 Peter 4:10 2 Cor. 9:6-7 Col. 3:23 Proverbs 16:3 James 1:17 Matt. 6:21 Eph. 5:15-16
Psalm 90:12
2. He agrees with everything you say.
He's a pushover, a people-pleaser, and afraid of conflict. This is the epitome of a “White Knight” coming to your rescue, even when you are wrong and contrary to Scripture. You may be fine with it early on but he if he lacks leadership in the relationship, by giving in to your every whim, he will not make a good husband. What I’m not endorsing is a tyrannical man but a loving, godly man who stands in all things biblically sound.
Proverbs 29:25 Isaiah 51:7 Psalm 111:10 Matt. 10:28 1 John 4:18
3. He can't hold down a job or has never had a job.
This man has no ambition to produce more income in goals to provide for a family one day.
If he hasn't been able to hold a job for longer than 6 months, every boss/ manager is a problem for him. You shouldn't pledge yourself to him for the rest of your life since he can't do that in a job for an extended period of time. That goes for not staying in a church, under membership, for a committed time. Not serving in church faithfully also is to be considered.
Excuses are for boys; men make a way to work.
1 Cor. 3:13-15 1 Cor. 4:12 Col. 3:22-23 2 Thess. 3:10
4. He disrespects his mother or sisters.
How he treats his family, especially his mom, is how he will treat you eventually, no matter what front he puts on while courting.
If he’s gentle, loving, kind, respectful, selfless, even in the face of being mistreated, that’s the man for you. A man that loves his Mom, respects his Dad, and is tender/ protective of sisters is a real man’s man.
This is pure wisdom, the portion of Scripture I can point to is when Christ Himself placed His mother under John’s care as He died on the cross. What tender love He had for His Mom.
John 19:26-27
5. His parents are divorced, and he has no idea why.
Broken homes are common, this is not bashing on divorced families, in this fallen world it’s unavoidable (outside of Christ). But has he learned anything from it? Has he avoided asking questions? Does he know why it happened? Is he determined to not follow that pattern?
If he treats divorce as a trivial thing, something that just "happens". No, God hates divorce so he should also. If the definitive vocabulary of “you never”, “you always”, “I am done”, “we are done” is in that man and he’s not willing to repent and correct it. End it.
Malachi 2:16 1 Peter 3:7 Eph. 5:25-29
6. He has a temper.
Watch him during moments of competition and conflict. Sports, games, conversations. How does he react to a loss? How does he react when things don't go his way? Is he quick to blame shift, gas lamp, or play the victim? Or worse, have outbursts of wrath, anger, or even obnoxiousness? These are a sign of a lack of self-control. It’s a level of childishness that you will not enjoy, in a sense, raising a child to not throw a tantrum instead of having a godly man exercising self-control under the Holy Spirit.
Gal. 5:22 Titus 1:7 Col. 1:10 Heb. 13:15 James 3:5-6
7. He prides himself in changing ideologies, progressive in his understanding of Scripture.
This man cannot be trusted. He changes his doctrine like dirt socks. His thoughts on sound doctrine cannot be based on, so and so said this, even if it’s a respectable teacher. His doctrine is not his, the danger is that he can be convinced of false doctrine also. His foundation must be God’s Word but it's not.
1 Cor. 15:58 Titus 2:7 2 Tim. 2:15 Eph. 4:14-15 Psalm 119:2/ 11/ 105 (ALL OF IT)
8. His father is timid, weak, and doesn't lead.
His father is his main masculine example. The apple will not fall far from the tree. Not without the Lord intervening. That must be shown early on with him rejecting that standard taught to him and embracing a biblical manhood. He must pursue discipleship. He must find strength in God’s Word and the principles to be a godly man.
Does he have other male role model(s) in his life that are biblical? If he doesn’t and he will not search for them, avoid at all costs.
Deut. 31:6 Psalm 31:24 Eph. 4:1-3/13 1 Cor. 14:20 2 Peter 3:18 2 Tim. 1:7
9. He watches porn.
It’s sin, no matter the situation, and God hates it. God has also empowered Christian men to have victory over it. So, does he treat it as something to be overcome or just a normal part of life? An excuse in the mind is just as horrible as one verbalized. He must find help in the Word, prayer, and the men in the church. It should be a honest conversation. If he says, “I’ve never had that struggle”, also avoid, he’s a liar, or worse, he’s not attracted to women.
Exodus 20:14 Proverbs 6:32 Matt 5:28 Roms. 6:12 Eph. 2:3 2 Tim. 2:22 1 Cor. 10:13
10. He complains, whines, or gossips.
Everything is always someone else's fault. He rarely apologizes for anything and can't control his tongue. Communication is too often negative. If he gossips, you'll never be able to trust him to keep your lives private. If he speaks negatively of others, he’ll speak the same way about you eventually.
Luke 6:45 Proverbs 20:19 Proverbs 25:9-10 2 Cor. 12:20 Eph. 4:29 James 1:26
Important note:
Every Christian man is on a trajectory toward Christlikeness, some are working out their salvation better than others. Since this is true, we ought to find glimpses of godliness in a man without making compromises. Meaning, if he’s practicing the means of grace in these areas then these are not disqualifiers (with some exceptions) for consideration. Some are, so if you need help knowing, the Lord has supplied His Word and His Church with leadership and godly couples. These are not meant to be legalistic but more of a heart check toward further sanctification. We have an abundance of grace supplied to us in the Lord Jesus Christ and we must have our full dependence on Him to change us as we surrender daily to His work in us.
Husbands: if you are struggling through these, I implore you to pray (1 John 1:9) and ask the Lord to transform you (Romans 12:1-2). Then reach out to a brother and confess for the sake of accountability.
I pray this has been helpful. Blessings GCCSB.
For the Master, Pastor Ulee
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4 Comments
Excellent advice. This should be required reading for single women. Thank you for the informative post including bible references.
Thanks for sharing and yes, Scripture is the authority so we must seek to conform to what it teaches, in every area of life.
Completely agree with this list. Definitely needed for young men today. Thank you, Pastor Ulee!
We all need reminders of this. The struggle for holiness is true in every believer.